Whitney Cummings: Jokes

00:00:06 - -

00:02:37 Dating an older man is now considered creepy.

00:05:00 GIFs! Everyone calls them something different.

00:07:22 He'll do a hover, it's like a choke hover. He'll just hover his hands.

00:09:40 "…you're overcomplicating this."

00:11:56 I'd be like… "What does that entail?"

00:14:15 with a modicum of dignity

00:16:55 They're like…

00:19:20 I don't want him to get down on one knee and propose.

00:21:50 They'll be like, "They're gonna have your phone number and email address."

00:24:36 I'm like, how much weird-ass porn are you watching?

00:27:19 "14 missed calls."

00:29:48 but the fake boobs, they do the same thing.

00:32:06 "Why didn't you have privacy for all your photos?"

00:34:33 "Don't worry, we got Polaroids."

00:36:48 It's a piece of wood on a hinge.

00:39:43 It doesn't fuckin' happen, dude.

00:42:30 I remember on the way home from school, I'd be like,

00:45:12 and you put your-- put your hand, the outline, and your hand would go--

00:48:01 Um…

00:50:10 So I got in trouble for that.

00:52:22 "How am I the asshole?"

00:54:58 "Of course they're not just in underwear. We have skirts for them, obviously."

00:59:36 I love you, Newark!