Two and a Half Men — S09E12 — One False Move, Zimbabwe!

00:00:38 Oh, dear.

00:01:28 - I prefer it to be the house key. - That's a very sweet gesture.

00:02:05 - Damn. - You say you're a size two...

00:02:59 Oh, no. That smells like failure and foot powder.

00:03:55 And it's rush hour, so figure, about three hours.

00:04:46 Uh, well, I... I hope they're using condiments.

00:05:33 - Yeah, swell. - I got a great new girlfriend.

00:06:17 Good times.

00:06:57 - Aw. Eyeball, eyeball. - Nose and mouth.

00:07:52 Okay, sorry. I mean, you have to admit, it's a rather strange setup.

00:08:40 And thanks to the financial support of my brilliant son, I have...

00:09:18 He was real?

00:10:07 And here's the two of you at your first birthday.

00:10:54 - Well, in a sense, he was. - And then one day he was gone.

00:11:45 Oh, sweetheart, I never knew that you felt like that.

00:12:39 Well, let's compare mothering techniques.

00:13:15 I needed my child and the gorilla to be born at the same time...

00:14:10 You're telling me. My mother's a mad scientist...

00:14:58 Oh, yeah, something happened. My entire life is a lie.

00:15:53 - Remind you of anybody? - Yeah, his father.

00:16:55 Yeah, well, my mother once left me at summer camp till Thanksgiving.

00:17:44 He was hung over and they just kept ringing that damn doorbell.

00:18:36 Thinks he's the brother of a monkey. What's all that about?

00:20:38 That's a 400-pound gorilla. This really could have gone either way.