Two and a Half Men — S09E10 — A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

00:00:03 JAKE: Can I ask you a personal question? - No, Jake, I've never measured my penis.

00:00:45 I find I really like shopping for myself.

00:01:35 With a college degree.

00:02:20 And they call me Forrest Gump.

00:03:25 Oh, I know that game. "Seven Card Screwed."

00:04:15 That's a good point.

00:05:07 I've only got this black one. I actually bought my plane with it.

00:05:59 Help me out, I'm desperate.

00:06:39 No, this is the nicest thing she ever did for me.

00:07:40 just in case you let one slip out.

00:08:34 - Really? ALAN: Oh, yeah.

00:09:29 Either the past or the future.

00:10:21 Okay.

00:11:06 - Enough about me. Let's talk about you. - No, I have a few follow-up questions.

00:11:59 Alan's son?

00:12:49 What do you think? Are we gonna fall in love and stuff?

00:13:36 Eh. Good enough for me.

00:14:46 Seventh or eighth?

00:16:04 - Hey. - How was your date?

00:16:54 - Are you sure? - I'm positive.

00:18:05 Alan.

00:19:01 Uh...

00:19:45 Thanks for the heads-up.

00:20:56 I have no idea.