Two and a Half Men — S07E12 — Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

00:00:04 - So, what time is your flight? - Eight a.m.

00:00:46 Hey, when the cat's away, the mice masturbate.

00:01:41 - Okay. - And leave the phone down here.

00:02:29 And thanks for the highlight reel, by the way.

00:03:13 There you go.

00:04:03 - "Perky Dodger fan in Tarzana." - What happened?

00:05:08 So far.

00:06:14 I was thinking, with Chelsea out of town...

00:07:06 - Really? You and me? - Sure, why not?

00:07:58 Thank you. What's with the attitude?

00:08:45 but she's married to a cop who catches you in a motel room...

00:09:49 "What? You're not gonna buy me dinner first?"

00:10:40 Can we talk about this when I get home?

00:11:33 Take my heart

00:12:18 Can I offer an alternative plan?

00:13:09 Do I really say "blah, blah, blah"?

00:14:14 I don't care, I got my own problems.

00:15:09 - Ouch. - Ouch? That's it? That's all you've got?

00:16:04 - Goodbye, Alan. - Our marriage, that was unnatural.

00:17:08 Women are kind of like the little boxes of cereal in one of those variety packs.

00:17:54 I've been with a lot of women, but I only recently found the love of my life.

00:19:07 Bye.

00:20:08 Oh, crap, it's Sunday night.

00:21:29 Well, then let's make the most of it.