Two and a Half Men — S06E04 — The Flavin' and the Mavin'

00:00:05 I really appreciate you getting up so early and driving me to work.

00:00:59 and everybody can leave their freaking cars in the garage.

00:01:45 It's... Laurel and Hardy.

00:02:35 - What's wrong with the one in your office? - Uh, it's not for guests.

00:03:46 Wow. He's been keeping you a secret for six months?

00:04:41 No, I'm not hitting that.

00:05:23 Oh, that is so sweet of you.

00:06:03 As a bug.

00:07:16 And after it blows up in my face, it will then circle around and bite me in the ass.

00:08:18 A warm melon?

00:09:01 Aren't I entitled to some happiness?

00:09:53 bond emotionally and then, and only then, take it to the next level.

00:10:57 Really? Uh, how do you figure?

00:11:39 You do. Would you like a slice? I can put butter and jelly on it.

00:12:38 I really wanna thank you for bringing her into my life.

00:13:31 And being a fall-down drunk is kind of a speed bump for some of the ladies.

00:14:20 - Hey, Jake. - Hey. Gotta hit the crapper.

00:15:03 What? The Volvo's in the shop. He twisted my nipples...

00:16:01 Can we please stop calling it "hitting"?

00:16:58 CHARLIE: We need a minute, Alan. - Oh, God.

00:17:52 By locking a stranger in your room and hitting it for two days straight?

00:18:40 Your mistake was you rushed to love my receptionist.

00:19:31 Thanks.

00:20:30 Aah! Two weeks, two weeks, two weeks!