Two and a Half Men — S05E14 — Winky-Dink Time

00:00:04 Taste this.

00:00:56 Because it's a straight business transaction, the only needs that are important are mine.

00:01:58 I want sex.

00:02:39 Want some cake?

00:03:30 I'll tell you who she is.

00:04:41 Might as well give myself an orange hat, platform shoes and a full-length fur coat.

00:05:36 You know, in case there's something you want that might be considered unusual.

00:06:29 - You're not gonna let this go, are you? - Did you get a look at her?

00:07:18 I'm sitting here with my nephew...

00:08:22 How do I look?

00:09:11 Fun's not an option.

00:09:58 At the end of the hour, a gate comes down and lops off your penis.

00:10:44 Oh, yeah, sure.

00:11:33 Very good.

00:12:25 So if we're equal, does that mean you're gonna split the check with me?

00:13:31 Oh, Alan, that's not like you.

00:14:20 As long as it doesn't come out of my, you know, winky-dink time.

00:15:18 Takes me back to not being there.

00:16:23 No cash advance, I'm not in your pants. Ha, ha.

00:17:24 No, no, of course not. Why would you lie to me?

00:18:20 when that Japanese guy started wetting the hot-dog buns.

00:19:16 You're gonna listen to SpongeBob SmearPants?

00:20:04 Yeah, get me a bottle of Scotch, a taxi and a smarter kid.

00:21:25 Well, uh, I don't wanna brag, but, uh, she wouldn't take my money.