Two and a Half Men — S05E13 — The Soil Is Moist

00:00:01 Not only did that movie suck, it blew chunks, bit the big one...

00:00:34 - Yeah, so? - I haven't seen her since Judith and I split.

00:01:07 It's called doughnuts.

00:01:44 You don't know how it is.

00:02:31 She was Judith's friend. I was her husband's friend.

00:03:22 - Where did you get that? - I found it on the table.

00:04:39 No, I wanna watch this.

00:05:25 - How do you know? - I know.

00:06:05 Well, I wouldn't want your banana to get freckled.

00:06:51 You hear that, Alan? If you fling your seed around, it gets wasted.

00:07:40 - "Ha"? - Yes. Ha.

00:08:22 she wouldn't have been caught dead with five years ago.

00:09:03 - So bring your A game. - Right, right. Ha, ha.

00:10:11 - Oh, Alan, that was remarkable. - Ha, ha.

00:11:08 Big Bird's pretty boring, huh? Ha, ha.

00:11:56 Best she's ever had.

00:13:10 Oh.

00:13:54 Okay, was it like, "Golly, you have firm buttocks.

00:14:40 - My hoe? - Yeah. You know, with an E? Hoe.

00:15:27 - You're not helping. - I rarely do.

00:16:10 What?

00:17:14 - Hey, fellas. - Hey.

00:17:58 Jake, your father's here.

00:19:17 Good for you. Never too late to learn.