Two and a Half Men — S04E04 — A Pot-Smokin' Monkey

00:00:01 Kandi, Kandi, listen to me.

00:00:43 I had a date like that once.

00:01:23 Who's a moron? You're a moron. Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

00:02:15 Just remember, the worst thing you can do is fight over who gets what.

00:03:32 It doesn't make any difference.

00:04:24 When he split with your mother, did they fight over your custody?

00:05:33 and I thought, you know, who better than the rabid jackal...

00:06:15 - Okay, well, thanks for clearing that up. - Okay, bye-bye.

00:07:08 - All of them in 20 minutes, right? - Yep.

00:08:01 Hey, Alan.

00:08:51 Thank you.

00:09:38 Well, yeah...

00:10:19 for the wheels having already been greased?

00:11:32 - You don't know that. - Oh, but I do.

00:12:17 So, what do you want this gift to say?

00:12:53 Granted, a few might show up just to make sure I'm really dead...

00:13:50 Yeah, but you always say if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

00:14:43 Thanks for buying me the necklace, Uncle Charlie. Thanks for not slugging me...

00:15:53 - Now take him back to Kandi's. - I can't.

00:16:39 I was very careful. I left the door open so that when Kandi comes home...

00:17:30 Chester? Somebody stole Chester?

00:18:30 You dragged my ass all the way down to the mall...

00:19:24 Being hurt sucks...

00:20:29 Smells a little like banana bread.