Two and a Half Men — S04E01 — Working for Caligula

00:00:01 NARRATOR: Previously on Two and a Half Men:

00:00:45 Do we have time to play roulette before we go?

00:02:07 Uh, excuse me. Do you know where Charlie is?

00:02:56 You had two women in bed and felt the need to call a professional?

00:04:03 I had forgotten how much fun you can have on top of a washing machine. You know:

00:04:46 Whoa.

00:05:37 Oh, come on. You're all I have left in this world.

00:06:38 No, we were betting on when.

00:07:40 I thought he should hear it from you.

00:08:41 When Dad moved out, you said you and me could get together and do stuff.

00:09:30 Yeah. Well, that's the price you pay when you think with your penis.

00:10:24 Well, keep me posted.

00:11:16 Everything I've tried to do in my life has ended in complete, abject failure.

00:12:08 but trust me, it's funny.

00:13:04 I am through feeling sorry for myself.

00:13:57 Go away? Ha.

00:15:01 You still depressed?

00:15:42 Yep.

00:16:37 Hello?

00:17:28 Well, perhaps. But more importantly, it's a reflection on me.

00:18:25 I... I've had my heart shattered and then shattered again...

00:19:23 Although with Mom, it's more like a nail gun to the testicles.

00:20:18 Fist me.

00:21:13 Not important. You relax, I got you covered. Pow!