Two and a Half Men — S02E20 — I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

00:00:03 - You got a date tonight? - No.

00:00:53 No, I don't have a date tonight.

00:01:34 Yeah, sure. One of us will be here.

00:02:20 What's the point of giving child support...

00:03:00 I am.

00:03:54 I am not a judgmental person, but you, you are a horrible little man.

00:05:07 You know, if you guys were queer...

00:06:06 So you can give me a check to pay her back.

00:07:10 You gave three cashmere sweaters and a new sport coat to your brother-in-law?

00:08:05 I'll ask one of the dozens of women you have meaningless casual sex with.

00:08:44 Have I mentioned how much I hate you?

00:09:45 to see that you and you brother have unresolved fraternal conflicts.

00:10:30 Everything will work itself out.

00:12:25 Okay, well, if you can get Charlie to agree, I'll do it.

00:13:10 Oh, Charlie. Psychoanalysis takes years.

00:13:56 Let's go talk to Alan.

00:14:56 ashamed to have me as a brother.

00:15:46 At which point, a long stick slid out.

00:16:42 It's hard to describe.

00:17:24 No, that's ridiculous.

00:18:07 - Come on. Give me a hug. - No, forget it.

00:19:11 That's okay. I got this one.

00:19:55 Well, there you go. I paid for your breasts.

00:21:00 - Okay, I did. ALAN: Charlie, wait up.