Two and a Half Men — S02E16 — Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

00:00:01 Do you just get up in the morning and figure out ways to make me crazy?

00:00:45 - That you paid for. - That I paid for.

00:01:38 Really? Acid reflex disease?

00:02:25 - What am I doing up so early? - Where have you been?

00:03:12 Wish I knew her well enough to bring her back here.

00:04:03 Dad, I just said I forgot.

00:04:55 Hello.

00:05:45 Oh, come on. You were premenstrual two weeks ago.

00:07:04 And then your brother moved in, which I accepted with my usual good humor...

00:07:57 Yeah, well, I have my own problems.

00:08:54 Mm. Oh, that's good.

00:09:48 Is there any way I can make it up to you?

00:10:32 - For what? - What do you mean, "For what"?

00:11:18 How could you forget to give this to me?

00:12:13 - So you know what to do with Jake? - Uh-huh.

00:13:09 I only got, like, nine hours of sleep last night.

00:14:20 Oh, I forgot to comb my hair.

00:15:19 All right, I'll put the seat warmer on.

00:16:05 Jake, it takes more than sex to make a man happy.

00:17:02 Okay, Woodward Avenue Elementary School.

00:17:49 All right.

00:18:40 Not because I take the occasional cash payment from a client...

00:19:30 holding a Tweety Bird kite and announcing he's discovered elasticity.

00:20:51 Oh, crap.