Tom Segura: Completely Normal

00:00:01 Ladies and gentlemen, tom segura.

00:03:42 I'll just bookmark that shit for now.

00:06:52 Really?

00:09:51 "I don't know no dookie shoes."

00:13:05 A limo pulled up, like, I don't know, 30 feet from me.

00:16:12 from a coffee place.

00:19:17 Pussy drinks forever.

00:22:24 And that is just watching television shows.

00:25:24 I've lost sleep over this shit.

00:28:11 It's horrible. He's bloated now.

00:31:47 When I walk out, my wife is no longer sitting on the couch.

00:35:06 What's up, man?"

00:38:29 has his inside... [Chuckles]

00:41:29 And then I give it back to him, and the next thing he says is

00:44:28 It's so dif... I mean, first of all...

00:47:28 "Everything hurts. Ow, ow.

00:50:37 "It's my favorite war.

00:53:51 And then you get to go, "I get it.

00:57:01 Not everybody's on board with double-headed bjs.

01:00:39 [Sighs]

01:03:51 Jim too.

01:06:54 "He probably smokes crack every once in a while.

01:09:51 without taking my information.

05:02:06 something like that."