The Onion Movie

00:00:36 You can always count on the Onion to get the story.

00:03:41 Cockpuncher.

00:06:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just shut the fuck up for a minute.

00:09:50 has gone quadruple platinum and made her a household name.

00:12:38 What kind is that?

00:15:50 All the comebacks.

00:19:01 - I'm gonna call Sarah. - Yeah.

00:22:05 Yes, we have, Your Honor. We, the jury...

00:24:50 Damn, that's unbelievable.

00:27:48 - Oh, no! - Shut up!

00:30:53 most commonly afflicts those who are total screw-ups...

00:35:01 Mr. Bates, you have a visitor. - Hang on. Come in.

00:37:56 Don't drop this shit on me, bitch!

00:41:18 Our job is to deliver to the American people...

00:45:21 Well, uh, don't count on it being too awesome. Look who just showed up.

00:50:27 After last night's heartbreaking loss in Los Angeles...

00:53:33 Pardon me, General. Your meeting is about to start.

00:57:19 Brendan persevered and was selected M. V.P.

01:00:45 Love your brother! Peace! One love.

01:07:04 to get me to compromise my values.

01:10:22 Enough! Your immoral Western sexuality will not work on us.

01:14:12 protects us from terrorism.

01:17:43 # Just below your waist #

16:00:00 C.T.D. combo-drive with-