The Decoy Bride

00:00:35 Throngs of people outside still waiting for the bride to appear.

00:05:45 Good. I don't want to meet him. He sounds like a twat.

00:08:15 Well, actually, I'm thinking of staying.

00:11:08 75. Or even older.

00:14:12 What's that?

00:17:56 Hello? Pretty sure that's not a real cow.

00:20:03 There's no monastery here. No monks. No miracles.

00:23:54 Starve me of yourself. Turn me concave

00:27:34 I just need somebody who can walk 20 feet without falling over.

00:31:08 to be my wife, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...

00:33:30 There must be a way out.

00:35:57 The bar of some brightly lit 2 star hotel, no doubt, draped in tinsel

00:38:33 A trouser catalogue. I don't do it anymore.

00:40:49 Still living with your mum, pretending to be a movie star

00:44:26 which would be good, actually, because we're overrun.

00:50:13 I'm thinking about it.

00:53:15 as my old boarding-school matron. I will pay 200 grand

00:55:46 and you can throw darts at it for the rest of your life.

01:00:04 I didn't sell your wedding. My mum did.

01:02:49 I wanted to grow old with you. You're beautiful and clever now.

01:05:41 When God made twine, he made balls of it.

01:09:57 not a whole book.

01:14:32 Guidebooks don't write themselves.

01:17:39 But he and Lara let the press think they were married.