Simon Amstell: Do Nothing - Live

00:00:15 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please will you welcome onto the stage

00:03:08 and I'm running as weII, because of the peer pressure

00:05:44 So that's why I can't enjoy Paris.

00:08:04 I just feIt Iike he was going to become a great actor.

00:11:12 ''We create our own reaIity.''

00:13:30 And I say, ''Oh, a bit of shopping. We've got a pineappIe.''

00:16:14 I saw him there, he hadn't seen me.

00:18:51 And the bouncer Iooked at me and said, ''You can't come in Iike that.

00:21:24 He just... Just indifferent.

00:24:12 And even if you don't buy into that in a spirituaI sense

00:26:42 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

00:29:20 He said, ''No, the tendons behind your knees are quite restricted.''

00:32:05 ''Uh, no, there's no way you couId have cat AIDS.

00:34:24 We're constantIy repeating moments from the past

00:36:37 And then, near the end of the dinner

00:39:22 Somehow we take out Iogic and prior knowIedge from our coIIective minds.

00:41:38 Nothing ever got created from things being the same.

00:44:06 ''ActuaI seIf-awareness is the knowIedge

00:46:40 and says, ''Why don't you two exchange phone numbers now?

00:49:11 you don't go, ''Oh, best to avoid eye contact.''

00:51:25 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

00:53:50 They weren't defined as such, but they were essentiaIIy dates

00:56:35 Nothing we couId do about the fact that if I'd met him five weeks before

01:08:01 But he was so thin.