Saturday Night Live — S05E14 — Paul Simon/James Taylor

00:00:02 NO TALKING NOW, NO TALKING. NO... COME ON, NOW SETTLE DOWN,

00:02:07 SHH. I FEEL THE PRESENCE... OF ANOTHER SPIRIT.

00:06:30 IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO, AND I DON'T WAIT, NEITHER. I DON'T WAIT IN LINE, EITHER.

00:10:02 A BREAKTHROUGH. THE LARGEST TELEVISION SYSTEM EVER IS NOW EVEN LARGER, WITH A

00:13:06 AYE, YOU'RE A SORRY LAD OF A LAD, MY LAD, AND A LOT OF LAD, I MIGHT ADD, BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT

00:15:43 IT LOOKS LIKE THAT DUMB SHELLY FABRISH IS GONNA WIN BY A LANDSLIDE TOMORROW.

00:18:26 HOW ARE YOU, DARLING? HELLO, TODD. WHY, ARTIE AND BELINDA, GLAD

00:20:47 IT'S A LONG BUS RIDE HOME. BYE, GRANT. YOU'RE RELEASED, GRANT.

00:25:12 ♪ WELL, EVERYTHING IS FINE IN THE END ♪ ♪ AND YOU WILL BE

00:31:01 BEING SHOT TO DEATH BY HIS LOVER, MRS. JEAN HARRIS OF VIRGINIA.

00:33:18 HERE'S MY THREE-POINT PROGRAM: DON'T BUY WHAT YOU DON'T WANT, DON'T BUY WHAT YOU DON'T NEED,

00:35:38 COUPLE SECONDS AGO, YEAH! JANE, COME ON, NOW. OK, BILL.

00:37:37 I MEAN, I GOTTA SAY TO YOU: AYATOLLAH, I MEAN, IF YOU WANNA GO, IF YOU WANNA GET LOONY... I

00:39:42 CHILDBIRTH, NATURAL HISTORY, NATURAL RESOURCES, NATURAL GAS AND, MOST OF ALL,

00:41:37 IT'S REALLY DISGUSTING. YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK, OK? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

00:44:14 I CAN'T HEAR IT. LOOK... ONE... TWO... All: THREE... FOUR.

00:46:11 BUT YOU CAN'T FLOGGIN' PLAY ON FLOGGIN' MEAD ALL THE TIME. WELL, I PLAY BETTER

00:49:28 FOR "TALK OR DIE," THE ACTION TALK SHOW. HERE'S YOUR HOST, DIRK SAVAGE.

00:51:52 THINK HE'LL BE FINE. IN THE MEANTIME, RULA... I'M JOLLY ANXIOUS TO HEAR ABOUT

00:54:07 ANOTHER EDITION OF "TALK OR DIE."

00:56:38 TO DECLINE. SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT IT A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

01:02:19 IT... IT IS A LITTLE FINANCIALLY REWARDING, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

01:04:03 SPITTING IMAGE OF PAUL SIMON. YOU ARE A CREDIT TO THE PLASTIC SURGERY PROFESSION.

01:06:32 THIS IS DON PARDO. GOOD NIGHT.