Saturday Night Live — S05E13 — Rodney Dangerfield/J. Geils Band

00:00:04 AH, COME IN. HELLO, MR. DANGERFIELD.

00:02:10 OKAY, RIGHT, RIGHT. YES? YES, IT IS.

00:05:08 NIGHT LIVE! WITH RODNEY DANGERFIELD. STARRING JANE CURTAIN.

00:08:39 THE OTHER DAY, I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES. HE TOLD ME ABOUT MY WIFE

00:10:55 SAYING TO YOURSELVES, "HIM? ONE OF THESE?"

00:13:34 DID REPORT THAT YOU HAD A ZERO SPERM COUNT. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

00:15:41 ARE YOU KIDDING? I CAN'T MAKE IT, FORGET ABOUT IT, WILL YA?

00:17:56 IS ONE IN THERE. UHH... IT'S THE BEST BARGAIN

00:20:12 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE J. GEILS BAND!

00:25:10 SPILLS OUT, AND HOW HE THINKS THE DETERGENT COMPANIES DO THAT ON PURPOSE TO MAKE YOU

00:27:37 IS THAT TRUE? WELL, I... HEY, YOU LITTLE SQUIRT.

00:30:02 MAN THIS WEEK FOR IMPERSONATING THE LATE ED SULLIVAN. IT WAS THE FIRST ARREST OF AN

00:32:46 AND FISH. HE SAYS ALL ITALIANS LIKE

00:37:00 I GUESS I'M JUST A SUCKER FOR A GIRL IN UNIFORM, YOU KNOW? THANKS, MR. DAVIS.

00:39:42 SHE'S PERFECT FOR ME. THAT'S WHAT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME.

00:42:36 YEAH, COULD YOU GET THE NEXT GUY A DIFFERENT FORK? I'LL DO MY BEST, SIR.

00:45:35 IF YOU'VE BEEN TO MANHATTAN SO MANY TIMES BEFORE, WHAT DO YOU DO THERE?

00:48:27 THE TEAM? WELL, I COULD'VE MADE IT, YOU KNOW?

00:50:32 YEAH. SURE. I WAS GETTING UP EARLY,

00:52:53 OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH! COURT IS NOW IN SESSION! SUBSTITUTE JUDGE MILTON CROTCH

00:55:17 WHO'S A BAILIFF? YES, YOUR HONOR. YEAH, I REMEMBER HIM.

00:57:29 WHEN COURT IS DISMISSED. EXCUSE ME!

01:00:05 WHAT HUMMING? Judge: WHAT IS THIS? CAN WE STOP THE HUMMING?

01:06:52 GOOD NIGHT!