Saturday Night Live — S05E12 — Kirk Douglas/Sam and Dave

00:00:06 NOW, LISTEN, AUNT MARGIE, THE SHOW'S JUST ABOUT TO START, SO THERE'S ONLY TIME FOR YOU TO

00:02:17 BUSINESS, LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

00:06:31 TONIGHT, YOU SEND THAT LETTER RIGHT AWAY, HUH? WE'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER!

00:09:04 YOU KNOW? THE DUDE WENT OUT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, MAN?

00:11:03 AND BUZZ 'EM. THAT OUGHTA SCARE THE BEJESUS OUT OF 'EM, HUH?

00:13:13 U.N.C.L.E. WENT BACK THROUGH TIME TO HELP THEM?" WELL, THAT SEEMS LIKE A TALL

00:15:31 HEAVY FIRE. I WAS WORKING ON A G.I. WITH AN IMPACTED WISDOM TOOTH.

00:18:04 SOME MOUTHWASH, AND FAST. READ YOU LOUD AND CLEAR, COLONEL.

00:21:04 McLEOD, STEVE McLEOD. THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT. WE GOT A MINUTE AND A HALF TO

00:23:19 WASN'T WORTH THE RISK OF PUTTING SOMETHING... OVER ON YOU, BECAUSE WE KNEW

00:27:03 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ TENDER LOVING, EVERYBODY SAY ♪

00:31:53 WHEN HIS BABY SISTER SPILLED HOT CHOCOLATE ALL OVER IT. SINCE MILLIONS OF AMERICANS WILL

00:34:07 CORPORATE EXCHANGES. MOST OF THE COUNTRY'S MARKETS WILL ACCEPT A MAN'S DAUGHTER AS

00:36:28 BRACE YOURSELF, MR. C., I'M GOING TO KEEP AFTER YOU.

00:39:12 SURE THAT THE BAR MITZVAH BOY, GREG LIEBERMAN, FEELS THE IMPORTANCE OF TODAY FOR...

00:42:11 MMM... GREG, COME HERE. COME HERE.

00:44:38 IS SO ANCIENT ♪ ♪ RAPPIN' ABOUT PROPHETS WE ALL KNOW ♪

00:47:22 TO NEW YORK, BUT WE'RE NOT DOING TOO WELL IN THE RATINGS AT THIS POINT, SO THERE

00:49:00 AND THE WHOLE SHEBANG WENT STRAIGHT INTO PROBATE COURT. EVERYBODY GOT THEIR MONEY

00:50:44 HE DO LAST SEASON? WELL, I BELIEVE HE WAS WAIVED RIGHT OUT OF THE LEAGUE...

00:53:02 YOU'LL GET KIRK DOING DAVID FRYE DOING KIRK. THAT HORSE MEANT MORE

01:01:53 NO, THANK YOU. AH, YOU KNOW, ALI MacGRAW, SHE COMES INTO SARDI'S,

01:03:47 WAIT, COME HERE, COME HERE. LOOK, ARLEEN, I BETTER LEAVE BEFORE I GET MYSELF ARRESTED.

01:06:25 AND HERE IT IS, 1:00, AND IT IS OVER.