Saturday Night Live — S05E05 — Bea Arthur/The Roches

00:00:02 Aide: CONGRATULATIONS, GOVERNOR, GREAT SPEECH! I THINK YOU REALLY CAME

00:01:37 THEN 9:15 TO DINNER. DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY,

00:07:02 NO COUNTRY WANTS YOU. YOUR LOVED ONES HAVE SCURVY. IF ANYONE DESERVES A BREAK,

00:10:53 AND TO THINK... I'VE BEEN FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. POOR DAD.

00:13:25 HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK WHO'S HERE. Joan: LARRY, IRENE!

00:15:40 HALF A WOMAN NOW. OH, COME ON, LARRY! YOU CAN'T STILL BELIEVE THAT!

00:18:45 WE'RE IN TOTAL AGREEMENT. AREN'T WE, MR. ROCK STAR? WE'RE ALL JUST GONNA STAY HOME

00:22:42 ♪ DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE PEEKED AT ME ♪ ♪ IN BETWEEN

00:26:00 RELEASE OF SOME DRAMATIC NEW FINDINGS THAT INDICATE THAT THE UNIVERSE MAY ONLY BE

00:27:57 PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS WERE RELEASED TODAY. HERE ARE THIS WEEK'S FIGURES:

00:30:04 HE'S NO LONGER LIVING AND... THERE WE GO, NOW AS YOU CAN SEE, HE'S WRIGGLING AROUND... A VERY,

00:32:38 GOING TO MISS SNOOPY. PEOPLE ARE STILL DEBATING WHETHER THE TRAGEDY WAS CAUSED

00:34:38 DRINKING THE MILK? AND IT CAME ALL OUT THROUGH YOUR NOSE AND ALL OVER SUSAN'S PLATE?

00:36:10 YEAH, LIKE FUN YOU WERE. WE WERE SO. NOW LOOK HERE!

00:38:47 WERE BORN WITH FULL HEADS OF HAIR. BUT ROSEMARY ISN'T GOING

00:41:04 OF THEM AND THEN I TOLD THEM THE PHARMACEUTICAL NAME, THE SLANG NAME, THE SIDE EFFECTS AND THE

00:43:09 HEY, SPEAKING OF SAFECO WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT? OUR INVENTORY MANAGER GOOFED

00:45:34 'NUFF SAID. NOW WE HAVE INVITED THESE THREE EXTREMELY TALENTED KIDS

00:48:38 TORMENT CEASE? ♪ ♪ WHY CAN'T I BURGLE IN PEACE? ♪ ♪ WHY MUST YOU CALL

00:52:48 THE STAGE GOES BLACK. Woman: BRAVO, BRAVO! WE'RE AT THE PARTY WITH JAY.

00:56:40 SO, IN THE MEANTIME, ME AND SPOT AND MISS SALLY ARE ALL GONNA STAY IN THIS

00:58:24 I GUESS YOU DIDN'T READ THE FINE PRINT. Mr. Bill: OH, NO!

01:01:04 THOSE WOMEN DON'T HAVE THE BRAINS, THE ONLY THING THAT WOMEN HAVE THE BRAINS FOR IS

01:06:35 TURKEY AND GASOLINE DON'T MIX. GOODNIGHT.