Saturday Night Live — S05E03 — Bill Russell/Chicago

00:00:09 OKAY, WHERE THE HELL IS TEDDY? I DON'T KNOW.

00:02:41 LATE AND STUCK IN TRAFFIC, TEDDY PANICKED, JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR, AND SWAM ACROSS

00:07:25 MIDDLE, THE BIG FELLA, THE MONEY MAN... WELL, SEE, ON THIS SHOW,

00:10:18 THREE GUYS? OKAY, OKAY, SO IT DIDN'T WORK, I THOUGHT

00:12:42 YOU JUST THINK YOU DO. NAH, BABY, I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU, BABY.

00:15:15 SHAKING DOWN FRESHMEN FOR THEIR LUNCH MONEY, ENCOURAGING TRUANCY,

00:17:32 I PAID BACK ALL THE MONEY I STOLE. I FLUSHED A POUND OF HEROIN

00:20:41 YOU COULD IMAGINE THE LOOK ON MY FACE WHEN THE DOORBELL RANG."

00:23:15 THEY'RE MY LUNGS. WELL, THEY MAY BE YOUR LUNGS, BUT IT'S OUR AIR.

00:29:28 HERE NOW THE NEWS... OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT: LAST WEEK BIOGRAPHICAL MATERIALS

00:31:25 AND ARE GONNA TELL US ABOUT THE NEW RAGE: KOREAN SURPRISE DINNER PARTIES.

00:33:38 LAST WEEK MARKED THE 100th BIRTHDAY OF THOMAS EDISON'S FIRST PRACTICAL ELECTRIC

00:36:31 WAS ALONE ♪ THANK YOU, THANK YOU, HEY, LET'S SEE WHO'S HERE

00:38:46 I HATE IT WHEN MAN TURNS AGAINST MAN. YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

00:41:49 YOU KNOW, FOR THE SHOW WE'RE ALL PUTTING OUR MAKEUP ON. WE'VE DONE THESE SHOWS

00:45:27 P.S. PLEASE SEND ANOTHER SHIPMENT OF CANDLES... I AM BEGINNING TO CURSE

00:47:57 YOU NEED PLENTY OF ASPIRIN. Mr. Bill: NO, BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE, NO, WAIT, OHH!

00:49:40 SIGNIFICANTLY CHANGE THE GAME? WELL, YOU KNOW, PETE, I WAS AGAINST THE CHANGE.

00:51:06 WHAT'S THAT? STICKS AND MELONS. YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE

00:52:34 'CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A FUN GAME, BUT THERE IS ONE THING I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU, RUSSELL.

00:56:36 AND MANY A BRAWL ♪ ♪ BUT AS YOU SEE ♪ ♪ I STILL STAND TALL ♪

01:01:57 FOR SOMEONE WITH A LIKE ABOUT A 44 INCH STOMACH? WELL, NOW I GOT A BELT HERE

01:04:02 IF HIS DOG'S NOT TIRED. LOOK, I'M SURE HE'LL BE BACK. HI DUKE, HI LONNY, HI.

01:06:37 IN THE WILDERNESS, DON PARDO, SAYING GOODBYE.