Saturday Night Live — S05E01 — Steve Martin/Blondie

00:00:10 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, HEY, MOVE BACK PLEASE. I SAID, HEY, IF YOU NOT ON THE

00:02:12 WAIT A MINUTE, I'M A FRIEND OF HIS HOLINESS. HE TOLD ME STAGE ENTRANCE

00:05:51 RELEASED A NEW COMEDY ALBUM, I'M KINDA GETTING OUTTA THE COMEDY THING AND I'M SURE A LOT

00:10:36 IT STARTS WITH AN A. I'LL GET IT.

00:12:58 BIEN. UM, PABLO IS HERE. PABLO ESTA AQUI.

00:15:23 YOU DIDN'T HURT HIM, DID YOU? NO, HE'S NOT HURT, I JUST NEVER WANTED TO HEAR ANOTHER

00:18:56 WE WERE EGGED! EGGED? YES!

00:20:40 OH, VERY WELL.. BUT IT DOES NOT SEEM FAIR! HOW COULD SUCH A THING HAVE

00:22:27 DOWN, MR. AND MRS. GUNDRICK. WE WILL CONSIDER THIS YOUR SON'S FIRST OFFENSE.

00:28:04 FACILITIES THAT AREN'T EXACTLY "SANITIZED FOR YOUR PROTECTION." HOW DO YOU PROTECT YOURSELF?

00:30:51 ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK THAT CITY RADIO STATION WNYC WOULD START BROADCASTING THE NAMES OF MEN

00:32:37 AND ORDERED THE MAKER, THE BRISTOL-MYERS COMPANY, TO STOP MAKING FALSE

00:34:32 PERSON'S PICTURE ON IT, AND THEN NOT TO GIVE THAT PERSON PART OF THE PERCENTAGE OF THE PROFITS.

00:36:24 ALBUM WAS HIS SECOND ALBUM. WAS CALLED "THE SECOND COLLECTION."

00:38:21 IT SAYS, "I GOT A PEEK AT THE POPE".

00:41:04 SO TONIGHT, GREAT MOMENTS TAKES YOU TO UPPER WEST SIDE NEW YORK, WHERE CAROLE KING'S

00:43:59 I THINK HE'S PUNCTURED MY KIDNEY IN HERE. I'M DYING NOW, CAROLE.

00:46:53 THIS BLACK CHICK THAT HE WANTS TO GO BACK TO THE HOTEL WITH AND WOULD I HOLD ON TO THE COKE

00:48:51 WITH MARGARET TRUDEAU. WAIT A MINUTE NOW, MARGARET

00:50:42 SAYING THAT I HAD SEX WITH DAVID FROST BUT I COULD NEVER PROVE IT, HOW COULD I PROVE IT?

00:59:30 Mr. Bill: HEY KIDS! IT'S TIME FOR THE ALL-NEW MR. BILL SHOW!

01:01:20 Mr. Hands: OKAY, I'LL DO IT. Mr. Bill: OHH!

01:02:55 Mr. Hands: WELL, HERE... WHY DON'T YOU CHECK? Mr. Bill: NO, WAIT, NO, STOP!

01:06:42 TAKE A BOW, EVERYBODY! WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!