Saturday Night Live — S01E08 — Candice Bergen with Martha Reeves and The Stylistics

00:00:30 ♪ AND ALL THE TRIMS UPON IT ♪ ♪ LA LA, LA LA, LA LA ♪ HERE IS YOUR COGNAC,

00:04:19 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I DON'T HAVE A SNAPPY MONOLOGUE TONIGHT.

00:08:30 YOU CUT IT! AS BIG AND AS THICK AS YOU WANT IT!

00:10:09 WELL, I PICKED UP THESE HITCHHIKERS AND BROUGHT THEM OVER TO PARTIES AT MR. ELI'S.

00:11:46 SEND IN YOUR HOME-MOVIE COMEDIES AS FAST AS YOU CAN. TELL THEM WHERE, DON PARDO.

00:13:22 FROM THE ICE, IF YOU REMEMBER. THAT'S ME THERE. THERE'S YOU.

00:15:15 WELL, I SEE YOUR NOSE, BUT IT'S A LITTLE FUZZY. WELL, THEN YOU TURN THE

00:20:44 K-PUT'S PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN,

00:23:08 JUST SORT OF... IMPISH AND SPRY. SPRY?

00:24:53 MOM, DAD, UH, BEFORE YOU COME IN, I THINK THERE'S ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW.

00:27:49 SENTENCING. "YOU FOOL," SHE SHOUTED AT THE JUDGE, "I TRIED TO SAVE YOUR

00:29:33 CHEVY, I'M STANDING IN BELOW-FREEZING TEMPERATURES HERE IN TIMES SQUARE, WHERE IT IS

00:31:22 WELL, THE FIGHTING CONTINUES IN ANGOLA AS THE MAJOR POWERS VIE FOR STRATEGIC TACTICAL POSITION

00:33:32 NEW TARN-OFF EATS UP TARNISH, LEAVES YOUR CROWN SPARKLING. GETS DEEP DOWN BETWEEN ENCRUSTED

00:35:55 WELL, THAT'S LOVELY. NEVER MIND. AND NOW, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE

00:41:29 AND WHOEVER IT IS, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET 'EM UNDER THE MISTLETOE.

00:43:19 TO SHOW "THE STING." RIGHT. CATCH YA LATER.

00:46:33 ♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT ♪ ♪ WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪ ♪ WALKING IN A WINTER

00:49:48 RIGHT HERE WHERE I FELL OFF A SCOOTER. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COMB YOUR

00:52:21 ♪ WHATEVER HAPPENS OR WHAT MAY BE ♪ ♪ HERE IS WHAT CHRISTMASTIME

00:55:54 THEN I PICKED ALL THE SESAME SEEDS OFF THE ROLL, AND THEN I ATE THE ROLL.

00:58:22 AND WHEN IT'S FINISHED... IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS. I TELL YOU, IT'S THE PERFECT

01:00:49 CANDY, I'D LIKE TO GIVE EVERY OLD, LONELY PERSON A NEW YOUNG FRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS.

01:06:17 UPSIDE DOWN.