Saturday Night Live — S01E01 — George Carlin with Billy Preston and Janis Ian

00:00:15 GOOD EVENING. GOOD EVENING. GOOD EVENING.

00:03:56 YOU'LL BE THE PINK, WE'LL BE BLUE, AND THEY'LL BE THE GREEN." GROUND ACQUISITION.

00:06:29 WHAT IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY OUT OF THE PICTURE?

00:10:59 HEY, BABY, H-HOW'D YOU LIKE TO, UH..." I CAN'T.

00:15:30 PEOPLE KEEP BRINGING IT BACK TO YOU, MAN. "HEY, UH, YOUR WASTEBASKET WAS

00:18:14 ♪ WHO CALLED TO SAY, "COME DANCE WITH ME" ♪ ♪ AND MURMURED VAGUE

00:22:13 I'VE LEARNED HOW TO SHAVE WITH MY RIGHT HAND AND EAT WITH ONE HAND...

00:23:59 "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE. GOOD EVENING, I'M

00:26:32 ADULT IS PAINFUL, LONELY, AND SOMETIMES DIFFICULT TO MANAGE. ARTHRITIS IS PARTICULARLY

00:28:58 OH. WHAT WOULD PLEASE YOUR FLATULENCE?

00:30:52 MM-MMM! AH, MM-MMM!

00:33:20 FOR THAT, I PAID TWO CHICKENS? LIKE I SAID... CHEER UP.

00:35:29 THAT'S WHY I TRAVEL WITH FLINTSTONES VITAMINS!

00:38:14 I KNOW... I KNOW THAT MY ENTIRE STATE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAT WITHOUT HUMIDITY.

00:41:00 CONGRATULATIONS. IT'S A WORKER! IT'S A WORKER?

00:42:51 I HAVE TO GET OFF. BUT WHERE ARE YOU GOING? TO CALL ABC AND START MY NEW

00:44:58 THINGS! UGH! OKAY, SO THE MOST IMPORTANT

00:48:28 HE KNOWS ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT... HE KNOWS WHAT I

00:50:05 THEY'RE NEVER IN LINE, ALL DIFFERENT SIZES. THERE ARE NO TWO LEAVES THE

00:52:45 GIRL ♪ ♪ WHO WERE BORN TO YOU, SO SWEET AND TRUE? ♪

00:56:11 ARIZONA. AND, YOU, MR. KROMER, HAVE THE PERFECT RIGHT TO THROW ME OUT OF

00:58:00 MRS. KROMER, SAY A CRIMINAL ENTERED YOUR KITCHEN WITH THE INTENT OF PREPARING AN ILLICIT

00:59:52 ACCLAIMED TWIN-BLADE CARTRIDGE. ALMOST PERFECT, YET NOT QUITE THE SUPERLATIVE GROOM.

01:04:25 THANK YOU. BYE-BYE.