Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic

00:00:03 I said 'Shut up, you stupid twat' And...

00:01:42 I'm doing a lot. So...

00:04:13 "I wrote a show and it's playing tonight?"

00:06:22 You are beautiful.

00:09:20 That's not nice.

00:11:57 I'm always looking... I'm always asking my friends what they use for birth control.

00:15:16 She is seven. Did I mention that?

00:18:08 Obviously I'm not trying to be literal of the events of the September 11.

00:20:52 Would you ask me for it?

00:22:50 Right. You just have my fucking understudy do it.

00:26:22 "You're gonna die soon, you're gonna die soon."

00:29:39 And I walk through to the backyard and there's a pool and as I'm diving in there's a shark...

00:32:37 I think it was more like 'I want pussy'.

00:35:52 I am cheating. I'm measuring from the base of my balls.

00:39:48 "All the penises in the galaxy."

00:43:12 It's not a secret. that companies like Mercedes and BMW and you know, Hitler commissioned Volkswagen.

00:46:49 Midgets don't like being called 'little people'.

00:49:56 Oh shit.

00:53:51 ...we would know that his balls are bewitched.

00:56:51 Like I gave him a compliment, alright. I told him he probably would have made like a really expensive slave.

01:01:35 "Was blind by now I'm..."

01:03:57 It's okay.

01:07:18 In real life.

200:04:07 to every dollar a men gets paid. And that's a fact.