Ross Noble: Randomist

00:00:18 (Eerie, echoing music)

00:06:24 Like people were just poking you with sticks. ''Go on, shine, shine!''

00:12:24 And l saw it and l was walking along and l was a bit bored, right

00:18:36 (Laughter and applause)

00:24:54 (As Fiddy) l'll kick your ass, mo-fo! l'll kick your ass!

00:31:44 smuggle in a live owl.

00:37:48 ''All right, just this once, but it's breaking all the rules.''

00:44:08 l had a bit of a weird thing happen to me recently.

00:49:59 There was Nazis melting in the corner like that.

00:56:12 with each pizza lovingly prepared to Ted's special recipe.

01:02:00 ''You don't mind if l squeeze juice out of these oranges with me arse, do you?

01:08:07 lf l had the money, l'd have my legs removed and just donkey legs put on instead.

01:14:58 What... Who booed, who booed?

01:21:33 ''Loads of bad shit's happened in the world. Here's some weather.'' That was it, right?

01:28:14 The good thing about hurdling Muslims is a lot of them are already in this position.

01:34:52 ''Guess who!''

01:41:50 They have a computer that answers the phone, which is weird.

01:48:11 So Geldof's there, right, and he's going, ''Right, 20 years ago...''

01:56:13 ''or l'll be very angry.''

02:01:51 Depends on what context l'm being funny in.

02:07:23 - l'll tell you what he got me. A what? - (Man shouts)

02:13:00 ''He's got to work and the car park's shutting.''

02:18:54 l'll edit them out. Look, everyone just fucking off now.

02:25:58 Ohh!