Paul Calf's Video Diary

00:00:08 Good evening.

00:03:55 We met on these swings 20 years ago.

00:06:33 You say another word, a little word, anything, I'll hit you.

00:09:58 What sort of pie is this?

00:12:47 PAUL: What kind? Were they flavoured?

00:15:39 Lesbian Fruit. Yeah, I've seen that one.

00:18:53 but you've got shit shoes on, you shitty shoe bastard.

00:22:06 - What's yours? - Paul.

00:25:05 To be honest, I'd rather have seen Dave Lee Travis play Macbeth.

00:28:10 I won't be able to anyway, I'll be legless.

00:32:01 All right. We're going back to Roland's, then, to watch a video.

00:36:01 I'll deconstruct your trousers in a minute

00:39:28 You do that every day, you might as well teach walking.

00:42:34 - What does she do, then? - I'm sure you can use your imagination.

00:45:26 Ah, no, no, no. Pauline, she whisk me.

00:48:27 But I don't see it as losing a sister, more that I'm gaining...

00:51:15 - Oh, there's other Pauline. - All right.

00:54:10 You can talk. You couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel*, you slag. *alleyway, implying bow legs

00:57:07 (SNIFFING)

01:00:02 PAUL: I heard your fellow turned up last night. What's his name?

01:02:53 Well, that's not good, is it? Swear on your life.

01:05:36 It says the home of the Calf family.

01:08:44 "A communion of comfort, clothing the earth.

30:30:06 Call it 78 all in.