Life Partners

00:01:12 Watch where you're going, bitch!

00:05:59 Well, lucky me. I don't have to fire on any cylinders to answer the phone all day.

00:09:23 Oh. 4... Yeah, 4chan's an... anonymous message board.

00:13:02 instead of just waiting the 10 seconds till you're done.

00:17:34 - Did you get it? - No. It's still...

00:20:35 I'm sorry. Was that a secret?

00:24:33 No. Oh, my God. No, don't. That... Don't be silly.

00:28:05 Okay. I'm sorry. I'm gonna turn it off, okay?

00:31:07 Note to self, buy more plaid.

00:34:21 I feel like there are certain things I can't do anymore

00:39:01 I didn't see the name "Bitch" written on it.

00:42:13 - With his little lady hands? - Those are the ones.

00:46:42 I hate it when bands go on tour with, like, three songs.

00:49:50 Just tell her you thought she was a fucking bitch. And, you know...

00:52:56 - I do not text and drive. - Seriously?

00:56:12 This is not about that. This is about our friendship, which is over.

01:00:14 Not that I could have lied.

01:04:16 Yeah, but I don't want to look... gay.

01:07:06 - Sasha. - What?

01:10:20 Good evening. Can I take your order?

01:15:05 and FedEx loses packages all the time, right?

01:19:16 Damn.

01:23:34 Dude, I don't even know where the fuck my phone is right now.

01:28:42 No.