Lee Evans: Big

00:00:02 (US man) Driven by seven and a half million pounds of thrust.

00:03:45 You lay awake, listening to the bloke above you. You know exactly where he is

00:07:01 Fuck, he's gonna go for me throat.

00:10:15 "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

00:14:22 "Shit." You can't lose face cos your wife's watching.

00:18:02 "I need 1Occs of Cif and set me up an IV of Domestos, quick!

00:21:18 You know what I hate about mobiles? Predictive text.

00:24:27 You say to your wife, "Who are you thinking about now?" "No one."

00:27:40 They have 24-hour-a-day news now.

00:31:06 They have these late-night quiz shows on the TV.

00:34:30 A gun to start the race.

00:37:43 "Have you seen this man? He is highly dangerous.

00:41:15 going, "I can't fucking get in it!"

00:44:30 "Ooh.

00:48:05 And what is it with women in pushchairs in the supermarket?

00:51:52 Have you seen the shelf stacker, dragging that cage up each aisle?

00:55:25 (Applause and cheering)

00:58:51 I'm loving this. You've got all these leaders jumping on jumbo jets

01:01:52 (Woman) Sorry.

01:05:50 Why don't they run up to the gym, jog up to reception and go

01:09:00 "Oh, yeah, she loved it. Well, they both did, you know."

01:12:12 And who come up with the scoring system for golf?

01:15:35 I don't get it sometimes, though, when you see those pubs and the board outside says

01:18:55 "Fuck it."