Jimmy Carr: Live

00:00:01 (Church bells pealing)

00:03:24 l should point out at this early stage in the show

00:06:24 lt means when you talk down to someone.

00:09:49 you've just brought it with you.

00:12:52 We string that out for half an hour. The magic of television.

00:15:56 and have fallen on hard times.

00:19:15 l travel up and down the country and l always read the local paper.

00:23:16 ''Yeah.'' ''Fine.''

00:26:39 A lot of asthmatics in? No. l would have heard you.

00:29:38 And he says to you, ''You're definitely a Catholic.''

00:32:38 ''Any relation to real characters and events is coincidental.'' Yeah?

00:35:40 l weighed up all the pros and all the cons and in the end l said no.

00:39:19 ''Regarding your fundraising dinner

00:42:52 ''What he'd like to know is, would you like to come over and play?''

00:45:56 ''A lot ruder.

00:49:12 ''Saturday night out, l'll take my sister. She's a looker.''

00:52:21 The second most common crime is having sex with a minor.

00:55:38 Whatever you decide about anal sex, l'm sure he'll be right behind you.

00:58:41 l'm glad you've asked. A lot of people let their first taste of fame go to their heads.

01:01:52 A cat looking confused is brilliant. Little face...

01:04:57 Easy. l'm joking. They want to fuck them.

01:08:22 What's the world coming to? ln Ayia Napa?

01:11:32 Correct me if l'm wrong - that's a pizza.

100:00:00 up to the age of 18.