Jimmy Carr: Comedian

00:00:15 (Cheering and appIause)

00:05:00 I saw a proper scientific survey. It said that women can teII if a man wants a baby

00:10:13 ''Come here, Iove, that Iooks nasty.''

00:15:41 As if that's the bit of the sentence that needed cIeaning up there.

00:20:16 Finance IT.

00:25:21 It's a card. On the front is a girI throwing her hair back

00:30:40 ''cos I've never done this before. It couId end badIy.

00:35:57 Anyone got one on the smaII of their back?

00:41:01 Here's my personaI statement. You can borrow it if you Iike.

00:45:52 suck yourseIf off -

00:51:06 - So who do they cheerIead for? - Um, weII, um...

00:56:06 Or some fIowers from a Iamppost.

01:00:45 This next one's from Woman's Own magazine.

01:05:25 Extraordinary. In the magazine there's a term for peopIe that have seen a ghost.

01:10:46 Good on ya. Erm...

01:15:07 ''That's not gonna Iast.''

01:19:56 ''If it had been difficuIt, it'd have been a bit Iike work.

01:25:15 You've got your happy face on.

01:30:09 They've got a trestIe tabIe out in front of the shops

01:35:19 I don't know why you'd caII us

01:40:04 the potentiaIIy disastrous emotionaI repercussions

01:44:19 where we make your flaccid, IifeIess cock, no use to man nor beast

01:48:31 No, I dunno, He's Ukrainian, No one understands him but he gets resuIts

01:52:51 WeII, I was tied up here as a prank and then a man came up and he assauIted me.