Jay Mohr: Happy. And A Lot.

00:00:18 Ladies and gentlemen

00:03:47 when you decided to get married--

00:06:20 we have enough in common

00:08:50 The moment I had that thought

00:12:00 Than a white guy with cornrows.

00:14:42 She's got the fucked-up home perm

00:17:26 my wife and I entertain.

00:20:01 and I had a bucket of spiders, tarantulas

00:22:43 after an hour of just shoving it into your face going

00:25:47 "Which show were you at? Because I went to that."

00:28:41 real, real, high.

00:31:39 you know that.

00:34:26 denim cut-off shorts...

00:37:19 There's been a few mistakes in my life

00:40:30 "you are not the father" because

00:43:01 You're watching a "law & order" marathon

00:46:13 That commercial has no symbolism whatsoever.

00:48:53 your teeth might fall out

00:51:53 Oh.

00:54:47 "or to make breakfast for her children."

00:57:22 Bright person activity.

01:01:02 Draw a 55-mile circle around your house.

01:03:53 and she'll pull your mask off

01:06:30 "Shoot it, man."