Frankie Boyle: If I Could Reach Out Through Your TV and Strangle You, I Would

00:00:02 (Compere) Here we go, Apollo!

00:03:37 l've always admired the ability to do make-up in the car.

00:06:49 Who cares about her leg? lt's her face you'd be finishing on.

00:12:16 What about you? You seem a bit camp for one of my shows.

00:15:36 All their banks are fucked.

00:18:22 lt's always scumbags.

00:21:19 (Laughter)

00:24:22 But let's not forget

00:27:23 "We, er, we tried pulling his fingernails out, sir

00:30:31 You know those Somalian pirates? See, three or four years ago

00:33:21 l said to Dara O'Briain, "l had a joke about rape.

00:36:23 unless we make Phelps swim

00:41:18 How you doing, baldy fella?

00:44:01 Beat Harvey in the final.

00:46:55 ..will be able to look back and laugh.

00:50:00 l quite liked him, cos he manages to shag reasonably attractive women

00:52:57 Cos l see people with learning disabilities

00:55:37 He was so deep in the closet, he was bumming Mr Tumnus in Narnia.

00:58:44 My pal got me a recipe book for roadkill.

01:03:17 to change a soiled nappy.

01:06:15 The Americans have still got that oil leak going on.

01:09:18 lnside you're going, "Damn!"

01:12:00 you've been going out with someone for seven years

01:15:45 that stunk of freshly baked scones.