Desperate Acts of Magic

00:00:00 [ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]

00:04:47 IT RIGHT, I GET BOTH BILLS. >> IT'S THAT SIMPLE. GOOD STUFF.

00:08:00 IT LAUNCHED MINE. LAUNCHED ME RIGHT OUT OF MY EX-WIFE'S HOUSE, RIGHT INTO MY

00:11:14 AND I'LL TAKE THE BLACK. HERE, TAKE THE PAPER. TAKE THE PAPER.

00:14:17 HAVE SEX WITH." "THINK OF THIS AS OUR SECOND DATE."

00:18:27 >> YEAH, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE ASSISTANT. PEOPLE GET CONFUSED WHEN THEY

00:21:48 YOU CAN'T HANDLE HER. [ WHIRRING RESUMES ] >> I-I THINK I CAN.

00:26:43 YOU MEANT B.M. -- BROTHERHOOD OF MAGICIANS. I MEAN, THE BIGGEST MAGIC

00:30:04 ON FACEBOOK. OFF TO SAN DIEGO TO WIN A MAGIC COMPETITION WITH MY MAGIC

00:34:26 OH. I THINK I LIKE YOUR LIPS BETTER THAN STEVE'S.

00:37:49 WHAT A DISASTER. YOU PICKED A GREAT TIME TO BREAK UP WITH HER.

00:40:32 TIME? >> NO, I GUESS NOT. CAN YOU HOLD THE BAG?

00:43:12 >> OH, GOD. OKAY, THERE'S DEFINITELY A CARD IN HERE.

00:46:19 MAGICIAN. STACY DIETZ. [ PIANO PLAYS MID-TEMPO TUNE]

00:52:19 DO IT. >> [ LAUGHS ] >> I SPEARED YOU.

00:56:08 >> WHAT'S TO DECIDE? JUST ADD UP THE SCORES AND TELL US WHO WON.

00:59:56 IMPORTANT PEOPLE THERE -- PENN & TELLER, DAVID COPPERFIELD, CRIS ANGEL.

01:02:36 AND THEN THOSE BASTARDS TOWED IT, AND THEN, I SLEPT IN HIS CAR.

01:06:32 BEFORE WE WENT TO SLEEP. >> I SAW HER LAST NIGHT. >> WHEN?

01:11:18 >> MM-HMM. >> SO, I THOUGHT, WOULDN'T IT BE FUN TO DO MAGIC USING DNA?

01:14:19 PEOPLE'S SUCCESS. WETNAP -- WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THE WHOLE DREAM.

01:17:36 HE'S AS GOOD AS ME. AND HIS NEW ACT? IT'LL BLOW YOU AWAY.

01:21:19 >> LOOK. I'M DONE HERE. >> JUST WAIT A MINUTE. IF YOU CAN'T SAY THOSE THINGS

02:00:02 >> [ SIGHS ] FINE, FINE.