Chris Rock: Bring the Pain

00:00:08 Live from the Takoma Theatre in Washington D.C.

00:03:20 Marion Barry... come on, how are you gonna tell little kids to not get high...

00:05:28 If you get rid of all the crack, all the heroin, all the blow, you know what will happen?

00:07:41 What are you talking about? You know, if you are one of the chosen few people on this earth

00:10:21 Shit, I eat a pig's ass, if cooked right!

00:12:51 "Mom, I'm back! Mom, where are my eyes?

00:15:10 'Cause some black guy would just kill the president, that's why!

00:17:40 I'm not making this up!

00:19:49 He'd be Orenthal the Bus Driving Murderer.

00:22:12 Hey, you go to a restaurant, you're accustomed to eating.

00:25:09 That's the big thing now, domestic abuse!

00:27:21 They'll spit on you, they hit you: "What the fuck are you gonna do? What the fuck are you gonna do?"

00:29:57 Every time black people want to have a good time, ignorant niggas fuck it up!

00:32:02 "I ain't never been to jail!" What do you want, a cookie?!

00:34:25 Shit, a black man who's got two jobs, goes to work every day, hates a nigga on welfare.

00:37:00 I'm looking for niggas!

00:39:33 I think it's obvious high school is busting my ass.

00:41:43 It ain't the safest place to be.

00:43:55 Fellas, if your woman's got platonic friends

00:46:08 The guy they fucked in the club that night, or that time they fucked Bobby Brown!

00:48:29 He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club.

00:50:55 Dying to cheat? Can't cheat!

00:53:02 "I know you did it, just admit it.

00:55:07 You might get to the point she found that you were cheating, she wants to break up.