Chastity Bites

00:00:00 [ KID STATIC'S "MOONLIGHT" PLAYS ]

00:03:27 I THOUGHT BI-CURIOUS GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION WAS STILL TRENDY THIS WEEK.

00:05:55 EVERY SINGLE DAY. IT'S RIDIC-- [ LAUGHS ] >> [ Laughing ] IT'S SO STUPID.

00:08:56 I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THAT I HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT PERSON TO LEAD THIS NEW VENTURE.

00:13:39 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] >> WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT? >> I DON'T KNOW.

00:17:04 WHAT ABOUT OUR PACT? >> GET YOUR HANDS UP NOW. TOLD YOU WE'LL CONVO LATER.

00:19:51 INSTINCTS ARE TELLING ME THAT THIS WHOLE THING IS BAD NEWS. LET'S -- KATHARINE, I WORRY

00:22:17 JWOWW, YOU'RE SNOOKI, AND I'M THE BLAST, YO. >> WHY THE FUCK AM I SNOOKI?

00:26:41 WE'RE JUST SLAPPED IN THE FACE WITH THE ABSURDITY OF OUR OWN EXISTENCE.

00:30:03 >> UH, I THINK WHAT KELLY, ONE OF OUR CHASTITY LEADERS, IS SAYING IS, WHAT IF ONE OF THE

00:33:32 >> WHAT?! >> YOU TOTALLY WENT TO THAT MEETING.

00:36:38 HMM. [ ALL GASPING ] [ THUNDER CRASHES ]

00:40:51 THAT UP. >> REALLY? >> MM-HMM.

00:48:52 INFOMERCIAL. I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT LATER. SO, WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT?

00:51:47 >> NO. NO. YOU KNOW HOW I WANT TO LOVE YOU

00:54:54 SHE IS, AND EVERYONE IN V.A.G. IS IN A LOT OF DANGER! [ LAUGHTER ]

00:58:33 WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME BACK? >> Honey, I'm at work. I'm holding down two jobs

01:01:38 I ASKED? >> YES, COUNTESS. >> GOOD.

01:05:12 BUT GET DRESSED. I NEED YOU TO DRIVE ME SOMEWHERE, AND WE DON'T HAVE

01:08:50 I'M GONNA GO AROUND TO THE BACK DOOR AND SEE IF IT'S OPEN. >> WAIT.

01:15:47 THIS IS SO FUCKING GHETTO! >> SORRY, DEAR, BUT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY.

01:20:40 HER POWER. ACCEPT YOUR FATE. YOU CANNOT GET AWAY.

01:26:04 YOU BEFORE. I HOPE YOU AND GOD WILL FORGIVE ME.

01:32:02 [ SINGING IN SPANISH ]