Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

00:00:06 Ladies and gentlemen,

00:03:01 And she says, "Why did you do that?"

00:05:40 "Cool. Meet me in the garage in 15. There's something I want to show you."

00:07:58 one time."

00:10:29 New car smell with the push-button start.

00:13:07 She goes, "You don't laugh." I said, "Because it's not fucking funny."

00:15:58 Ten o'clock at night, we hear a gunshot ring out.

00:19:01 Four hours long, just to set the scene.

00:21:27 Now she's turned into a baby walrus.

00:24:20 It's a shitshow.

00:26:38 I said, "Hi, my name's Bert. I'm Ila's, uh, parent."

00:29:07 I said, "Bullshit. Why is no one buying tickets?"

00:31:33 They're like, "What did you win, Bert?" I go, "It's a Fitbit."

00:34:37 grabbed onto 658 tickets

00:37:18 And as he called the number, I go to hit the first "Suck it"

00:39:35 So I clicked the link.

00:42:17 - "It's a joke." -

00:45:02 Both the girls pull me aside, "Hey, Dad."

00:47:21 We all go. Now, here's where it starts to veer wrong.

00:49:33 And like sheep, we're like, "Okay."

00:51:59 Lights click back on.

00:54:21 The kind that come out of your ass like hot breath, just...

00:56:38 Grabs the first handle of three on the wall,

00:59:16 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!