Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula

00:00:49 I know right

00:03:22 Just to see what kind of crowd I'm dealing with here

00:05:29 "I have got mushrooms in my backpack let's eat em"

00:08:05 Nobody saw me..

00:10:28 You just don't do it with her because you have mistresses

00:13:08 Looking for my ex girlfriend's killer

00:15:07 And you would be dead."

00:19:03 And I know I should just keep my mouth shut

00:21:19 Like the other night My girlfriend and I

00:23:35 Before I can say: "Hey we are not really friends

00:25:38 Isn't that hot..

00:27:47 Trying to fall asleep in the back of my car

00:29:36 "Hey man I gotta catch my flight but I don't wanna lie to you

00:31:42 Nothing worked

00:33:37 "I don't want a divorce any more"

00:36:08 And most of them she drew like it's really fucked up you guys

00:38:24 I got a...

00:40:23 Time Thinking: "Anthony This is all well and good

00:43:15 You guys would probably love my little nephew he is like

00:45:44 She thought it was a good idea

00:48:29 They all say the same thing to me They say :"Anthony, there is nothing worse

00:51:17 Another good one for me was the lesbian in Portland

00:52:57 I just gave you a compliment"

00:55:24 Thank you very much everybody Have a great night. Thank you so much