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00:01:16 l believe in the Church of Baseball.

00:01:19 l've tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones.

00:01:22 l've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu...

00:01:26 Siva, trees, mushrooms and lsadora Duncan.

00:01:30 l know things.

00:01:31 For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary...

00:01:35 and there are 108 stitches in a baseball.

00:01:38 When l learned that, l gaveJesus a chance.

00:01:41 But it just didn't work out between us.

00:01:44 The Lord laid too much guilt on me.

00:01:47 l prefer metaphysics to theology.

00:01:50 You see, there's no guilt in baseball...

00:01:52 and it's never boring...

00:01:53 which makes it like sex.

00:01:56 There's never been a ballplayer who slept with me...

00:01:59 who didn't have the best year of his career.

00:02:02 Making love is like hitting a baseball--

00:02:05 you just gotta relax and concentrate.

00:02:09 Besides, l'd never sleep with a player hitting under 250...

00:02:12 unless he had a lot of RBl's or was a great glove man up the middle.

00:02:18 You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom l give these boys.

00:02:22 l can expand their minds.

00:02:24 Sometimes when l've got a ballplayer alone...

00:02:26 l'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him.

00:02:30 And the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen.

00:02:33 Of course, a guy will listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay.

00:02:38 l make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe...

00:02:43 and pretty.

00:02:45 Of course, what l give them lasts a lifetime.

00:02:48 What they give me lasts 142 games.